I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
