Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
