i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
