Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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