i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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