Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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