I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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