The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wish there were birth control emojis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
