if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
