508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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