She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize