If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
