And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize