i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize