Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
