my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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