I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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