Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We have started to decorate penises.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
