Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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