coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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