so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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