You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
