At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
