OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
