pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
