I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
