now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
