Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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