so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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