everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
