he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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