hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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