True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
