Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
