I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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