I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
