SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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