at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
