We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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