Nicole vs. Life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
