low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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