The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
