How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
