i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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