i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
