he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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