i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
