so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
