You work out of a Hotel?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
