well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize