the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
