Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
