Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
