He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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