She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
