You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
