Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
