Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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