I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
