I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
