So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
