i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
