Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
