And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
