when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You pole danced in your parka.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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