Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
