bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
