Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have already put on my inside pants.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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