no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
