If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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