I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
