Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize