I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
