Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
