Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
